Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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