You made me cry and you don't even care
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I deserve this hangover.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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