oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
