I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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