Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
