Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
