what day is it and did you see me today?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the day after is always just damage control
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize