I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize