So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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