You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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