He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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