My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
