Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
