i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
