that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
