make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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