At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
