Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
