Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
