omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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