we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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