if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
