first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
did i just pee glitter
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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