i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
