masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
