we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
