My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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