Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
