Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
