woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
