she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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