So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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