My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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