I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
