Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dignity is for republicans.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
