Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
