Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
