my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
