Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my phone needs a breathalizer
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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