Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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