why didn't you poke me back
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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