How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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