She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
