i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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