i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dignity is for republicans.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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