I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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