garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
