70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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