There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
