Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
