you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
