big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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