That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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