smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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