The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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