told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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