i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
