If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
