I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
