Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
