i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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