i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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