Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
