I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
