how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
