You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize