my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
