genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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