My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
