oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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