Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
