haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
